Gut Reaction

I’ve had an enjoyable three-day weekend. Maybe a little too enjoyable for my intestines. It was my birthday weekend, so I indulged maybe a little too much. My stomach isn’t feeling very well this morning. I’m not sure if the way I ate was the problem or the thought of having to go back to work is the problem.

Years ago I developed spastic colon. I didn’t recognize how much stress I was under. I enjoyed my job. It was the secret of being a lesbian that was eating me up inside.

The symptoms I feel now are similar to the spastic colon symptoms. I know that I am under a lot of stress at work. It came to a head a few weeks ago, but I thought I had calmed my thoughts, my fears….my reaction to it is that I shouldn’t have these symptoms. But the more I think about going to work, the more dread I feel.

I don’t hate my job. (Notice, I didn’t say I liked my job.) I enjoy my co-workers. Last week, with the head dude in town, would have been a more stressful week than what I’m about to embark on. Actually, I’m at a good point in the project I’m working on so that this week will be a breeze in comparison to last week. So, why do I feel my stomach tied up in knots?

I’m distressed because of both the way you are not taking care of me nutritionally and because of work. It’s not one or the other. By causing you this pain, I’m reminding you to get your eating back on track. Indulging as you did was not enjoyable for anyone but maybe your tastebuds. You know this. You don’t need the lecture. Just know that you need to make better choices.

Now, let’s talk about work. You brought up a fear in your head this morning about being the next one to be laid off. You also brought up a fear that the job you were hoping for really didn’t think you could do the work required. How do you expect me to feel when you are putting energy into feeling like a failure. I know that you aren’t a failure, but you need to know it, too. You need to let go of these fears and just live your life in the now. Enjoy what you have — a job where it ain’t so bad. You keep looking for another job opportunity to “save” you, but that’s where you are wrong. No other job can save you. Only the way you approach this job, or any job, is your solution to happiness. You can be happy with the job you have, as long as you choose to be happy. Make that choice, dive in, and enjoy yourself. Forget about the other opportunities out there. They will come find you as soon as they are ready for you and you are ready for them.

My stomach is feeling less tight already. I know that what I wrote above is the truth. I do need to get back on the right track as far as food is concerned. And I need to stop looking for the next best thing. I need to enjoy where I am right in this moment — live this moment. There’s enough to do right now. When it’s time to move on, I’ll know it, and there will be new opportunities for me to step into.