The past few mornings I’ve woken up to snippets of dreams. I can’t quite capture the full dream, I just get a scene or an image, or, in one case, a few bars of a song.
The piece that is stuck whirling around in my head is the song — “Money makes the world go ’round, the world go ’round, the world go ’round. Money makes the world go ’round, that frightful, dreadful sound…” And there it ends. I know that “frightful, dreadful” are not the actual lyrics, but that is what my head is singing.
Often times I have pieces of songs show up in my head for no apparent reason. Sometimes my head gets the lyrics right, sometimes it doesn’t. But when it changes the words, it’s for a good reason. Just like there’s a perfectly good reason a purple elephant shows up in a dream, there’s a good reason why my head changed the words to this song….I just don’t know what the reason is.
There is a snippet of dream that I think the song is tied to. I was watching what appeared to be a scene from a sit-com. While the daughter was out of the room, the mom was “stealing” $15,000 of the daughter’s money — they had been playing a game like Monopoly, so this was only play money. She was going to put the money away for some later time when she vowed she wouldn’t spend it on paying bills. She would buy something they had always wanted. In the dream, I somehow knew that she would put this play money away and, to her surprise, years later, it would have turned into real money. I think the “money makes the world go ’round” song was playing in the background. I know that the daughter came back in and the mother was trying to hide the money she had taken, but I don’t remember anything after that.
Sometimes I can interpret my dreams if I talk about them and try to put myself in all of the roles. As the mother, I have playfully taken something with absolutely no value. I have good intentions for what I have taken and, unbeknownst to me, what I have taken will turn into something of value in a few years. Hmmm…I think that would be a good dream, until I think of the “frightful, dreadful” words to the song in the background. The undertone of the sit-c0m scene was one of greed. The family didn’t believe the mother that she would truly use the money for good. I don’t know if they were concerned about her taking it. They knew it had no value, yet they were concerned. It was like the mother was falling back into a bad habit. I remember “hearing” them thinking “There she goes again.”
Am I taking something that has no value…and convincing myself it is ok to take this thing? And is this thing I’m taking leading to something dreadful? Is it causing me pain in the long run?
Interesting. The song has cleared out of my head, for the moment. I think I am on to something, but I think I want to hum on it today and see what comes up. I’ll update this post if I discover anything.
I’ve had an enjoyable three-day weekend. Maybe a little too enjoyable for my intestines. It was my birthday weekend, so I indulged maybe a little too much. My stomach isn’t feeling very well this morning. I’m not sure if the way I ate was the problem or the thought of having to go back to work is the problem.
Years ago I developed spastic colon. I didn’t recognize how much stress I was under. I enjoyed my job. It was the secret of being a lesbian that was eating me up inside.
The symptoms I feel now are similar to the spastic colon symptoms. I know that I am under a lot of stress at work. It came to a head a few weeks ago, but I thought I had calmed my thoughts, my fears….my reaction to it is that I shouldn’t have these symptoms. But the more I think about going to work, the more dread I feel.
I don’t hate my job. (Notice, I didn’t say I liked my job.) I enjoy my co-workers. Last week, with the head dude in town, would have been a more stressful week than what I’m about to embark on. Actually, I’m at a good point in the project I’m working on so that this week will be a breeze in comparison to last week. So, why do I feel my stomach tied up in knots?
I’m distressed because of both the way you are not taking care of me nutritionally and because of work. It’s not one or the other. By causing you this pain, I’m reminding you to get your eating back on track. Indulging as you did was not enjoyable for anyone but maybe your tastebuds. You know this. You don’t need the lecture. Just know that you need to make better choices.
Now, let’s talk about work. You brought up a fear in your head this morning about being the next one to be laid off. You also brought up a fear that the job you were hoping for really didn’t think you could do the work required. How do you expect me to feel when you are putting energy into feeling like a failure. I know that you aren’t a failure, but you need to know it, too. You need to let go of these fears and just live your life in the now. Enjoy what you have — a job where it ain’t so bad. You keep looking for another job opportunity to “save” you, but that’s where you are wrong. No other job can save you. Only the way you approach this job, or any job, is your solution to happiness. You can be happy with the job you have, as long as you choose to be happy. Make that choice, dive in, and enjoy yourself. Forget about the other opportunities out there. They will come find you as soon as they are ready for you and you are ready for them.
My stomach is feeling less tight already. I know that what I wrote above is the truth. I do need to get back on the right track as far as food is concerned. And I need to stop looking for the next best thing. I need to enjoy where I am right in this moment — live this moment. There’s enough to do right now. When it’s time to move on, I’ll know it, and there will be new opportunities for me to step into.
There is a nature reserve near my home where I have found a wonderful thoughtful spot. There’s an outcropping of rocks in the middle of a forest that looks like a gathering — as if the stones had purposefully came together for a meeting. It’s a peaceful place I enjoy visiting.
Council of the Rock People
Yesterday, after a week of rain, I seized the moment of sunshine and went to visit the Council of the Rock People. (As a side note, let me tell you that I’m THRILLED with the bug repellant BodyGuard a pen friend sent to me. I worked wondered.) I was a little worried about all of the mosquitoes that hovered around me and couldn’t quite get comfortable for a truly thoughtful moment, but I enjoyed my time there nonetheless. Next time I’ll know I can trust the bug repellant and just relax.
Instead of staying where I felt I would become mosquito buffet, I got up and took a walk around the grounds. A couple of creatures crossed my path — a hopping one and a flying one.
I think this is a tree frog. It was not much bigger than a ping-pong ball.
First came frog. I barely noticed him hopping across my path — his coloring camoflagued him so well. I tried to take a picture of him with some contrast in the background, but he wasn’t very cooperative. He wasn’t sure he wanted his picture taken. So I stayed in the distance and got a few shots.
Some say that frog represents transitions and new beginnings. That would make sense for me in my life right now. I am focusing on making some changes, connecting more deeply with my spirit while also reconnecting with nature. In my day-to-day life, I’m hoping for a change in my job and, even if the hoped-for change doesn’t come, I’m approaching my current job in a new way in the hopes of making it a better, more positive experience for me and my co-workers. So, thank you, Frog, for confirming transition and new beginnings.
Dragonfly
Dragonfly has been showing up a lot lately. She showed up again Saturday wearing a reddish veil. I’m used to seeing more of a blue-green iridescent color to dragonfly wings. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a reddish color before. I know that Dragonfly is often associated with illusion, but I really like this quote about Dragonfly — “Dragonflies remind us that we are light and can reflect the light in powerful ways if we choose to do so.” This hits home for me. It’s the way I’m trying to consciously approach situations. I am trying to see the light in all situations and also reflect the light so that others might see it as well.
Just about a week or so ago, Dragonfly showed up during one of my tedious meetings at work. It beat against the window of the office I was in (4-story, downtown Boston, office building…no where near water, streams, etc.). I was just about to go into a complaining rant when Dragonfly appeared. She reminded me of my intention and, because of her reminder and my decision to follow my intention, I was able to bring light to the conversation and not let it spiral into negativity.
Thank you, Yah, and thank you to all of the animals who have crossed my path bringing me your wisdom. I have been so disconnected from nature for too long. Thank you for welcoming me back. You’ll see me hanging around more often.
Marianne’s Miracle Thought spoke of the powers we have because we are the embodiments of God’s spirit. Jesus said that if we had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains. He also said that we would do things even greater than what he had done.
When I think about this, I am half in disbelief and half in awe. What if I could really dispel the mountains that are in my life blocking my movement forward? What if I could heal my partner of fibromyalgia so that she could spend the rest of her days in freedom doing the things she longs to do? What if, not by searching the web or helping her with her resume or LinkedIn profile, I could find my sister the perfect job? Jesus says I can do these things, and more.
The mountain in my believing of this is that I can’t do things for others they do not want done or are not ready for. I think my sister isn’t ready for her dream job, so first I would need to pray that she become ready. And my partner, I don’t know if she’s ready for healing. I don’t know if she believes it can happen. The one thing Jesus always asked people before he healled them was something along the lines of “Do you have faith?” The person had to believe he could heal them and be ready to be healed before he could do anything.
I know how miserable my partner is with the way her life is right now. She feels limited. There’s so much she wants to do and she gets frustrated with how little she can do. If I focus my attention, love, and prayers on her, maybe I could move that mountain of frustration so that she’s ready to be healed. I have felt powerless in my ability to help her. Maybe this is the way I can help.
Yah, help me hold on to the believe, the faith, that with Your spirit, I can move mountains. May I hold strong to that so that I can help Morgan. I want to say — so I can heal Morgan, but I’m having trouble believing that. Strengthen my faith in Your spirit so that I CAN heal Morgan.
